The Gift

CHRISTMAS!  It is here.  An abundance of memories, tradition, family gatherings, brightly lit trees, the mixed aromas of baking & evergreen, opening & sending cards, gifts.  When the boys were young, we would set aside a day when we would go as a family to buy gifts for one another. The day was special, as it always included the rare treats of dinner out, a movie together, driving around looking at Christmas lights, & the trip to the elaborately decorated mall & dept store where the “elves” would help the boys find just the right gift for everyone. ($5 limit!)  One year, as we drove home, it began to snow, (this was Tennessee, and snow in Dec was an exceptional delight!).  We stopped at the local college, where a massive evergreen tree was brightly lit.  It was very quiet, the snow falling in fat flakes, the ground & trees being quickly transformed into a landscape of white. Drawn to the base of the tree, under the tall branches, the wonder of lights & snow filtering through the fir, we were enchanted.  We sang Christmas carols, (and we do not sound like the von Trapp family!) but it was an exclusive moment.  The gift of the evening was amplified when, a week later, David brought home a picture he had drawn in school of the tree, the snow, the lights, the four of us.  He had been asked to illustrate the best gift he had received.

I received a tremendous gift two weeks ago.  Due to an allergic reaction to the Interferon (think: thousands of mosquito bites begging to be scratched!) my oncologist recommended we stop the treatment for a few weeks.  My first reaction was disappointment; somewhat counter-intuitive, I suppose.  The thought that the last three months of treatment & its outcome would be diminished if interrupted was overcome by the sudden realization that I was being given a GIFT.  Three splendid weeks of no side effects! Though this reaction has not been without challenges, the contrast of feeling energetic, clear headed, and WELL is remarkable.  Three weeks, at Christmas, feeling great……it has GOD written all over it.

God is in the business of giving gifts.  From Genesis to Revelation, His Word overflows with the testimony of His generous nature. Beyond reading it, I know it …..being a recipient of His profuse outpouring of blessings & gifts.  “Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow.”  His gifts spring from the unchanging, unconditional  love that is synonymous with His name. 

I’ve thought a lot about gifts lately…..the kind expressions of care that have arrived, without asking, to our home over these past many months.  The consideration & compassion from which they stem has overwhelmed Chip and me.  It is the love, the thought, the message behind the gift that touches us in an unforgettable way.  

My niece, Lacey, gave from her heart.   When she was a young teen, she was in the car with her mother when they approached a red light.  There, on the corner, was a homeless man: unshaven, dirty, asking for money.  Lacey asked my sister if they could please stop.  Pulling over to the curb, reaching for a few bills, she watched as Lacey took the money, walked over to the beggar, and put it in his hands.   Then Lacey stepped towards the man, put her arms around him & hugged him.  It was a gift from her heart, & the love behind it is indelible. 

CHRISTMAS!   It is here.  It IS the celebration of the birth of Christ…..God’s greatest gift, from His heart of love.  The well known verse, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, so that you and I would not perish, but have eternal life.”  (Jn 3:16)  “Eternal life, the gift of God  in Christ Jesus, “  as Paul states,  is offered at the excruciating  cost of His Son.  The smallness of my mind cannot comprehend a virgin birth, God in human form, His resurrection, nor eternity.   But my heart & mind receive and grasp it in the gift of faith.  

  

Next week,  the Interferon injections will resume, yet the received gift & the love behind it is clear, &  I celebrate this Christmas, grateful, humbled, & joyful for the God who brings such a gift….& eternally more.  MERRY, BLESSED CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Whispers

Strains of Mozart, mingled with centuries old carols and Church bells fill the frosty air of Austrian Christmas markets.  Dating from the Middle ages, the traditional Advent markets, festive with thousands of lights, lovely aromas of roasting chestnuts, gingerbread, and spicy hot gluhwein, create a calmly enchanting atmosphere.  Wandering through the avenues of radiant booths, there is an enveloping  lack of frenzy.  (Well, maybe that is the gluhwein!)   Advent, which means “coming” or “arrival,” focuses on the celebration of Christ’s birth, the “first advent,” while anticipating His return. Wandering through the Baroque markets, there is a perceptible tranquility of that expectation and preparation permeating the atmosphere. It is a lovely “stillness.”

The chestnuts and gluhwein are unfortunately missing, but my habitation is currently a stillness that I am learning to embrace.  The challenge to locate gaps of motionless time is too familiar to me, and no doubt, the allure of multi-tasking will always be at hand.  However, immobility has brought a refreshing refinement of being Still.  The process of simple thinking has been affected by the Interferon, as well as energy and physical abilities, yet furnished in their stead is a cherished calm.  The freedom of letting go and living squarely in the moment is energizing in itself! 

“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”   Within the benefit of stillness, “settling down in complete dependence,” arrives.  The aspects of busyness to which I am drawn, are traded for finding the fullness of God in the quiet.  The gift of gripping that truth more firmly is timely…….as the frenetic pace of Christmas arrives.  The voice of “Advent” is instead amplified, and I am reminded of how God speaks to us.  “ Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.  After the wind was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake, and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.” ( 1 Kings 19:11-12.)     Quiet is not an empty place; it holds out the fullness of “Immanuel,” God with us, as the stillness offers the gift of His presence and the great love that He whispers to our hearts. I am so grateful for this time that conveys the silence to hear them!

Meanwhile, conversation is returning, & exquisite times with granddaughters, family and friends have been a vital part of these past couple of wks and will greet the wks ahead.   It is a superb time to be still and thank God for dear ones that surround us!

A good day

As a young mother, I belonged to a service organization which provided volunteers for local needs.  I chose to assist at a nearby nursing home, where I met Mrs. Cotton.  She was bedridden and had been for a number of years, crippled by a rare arthritis.  I never visited her that she was not smiling and ready to chat, always sporting a bright red lipstick.  (Probably Revlon’s “Love that red” that my mother wore for years!) Being from southern Alabama, she spoke with a soft cadence and delighted in sharing stories of her lifetime, which were both entertaining and an obvious contrast to the quiet life where she then existed. The gift of that picture struck me at that early age.... her situation did not dictate her embrace of life…..she greeted each day with its promised renewal and potential with a smile….even anticipation, and of course, her lipstick!

What produces a “good day?” Is it measured by the “goodness” of it, and what does that mean?  All the reasons that make it so ……are they inward or outward?    Right now,  I find it challenging not to categorize the days of the weeks as good or bad, as  they bring with them very differing characteristics.   Post injection days continue to yield the side effects of varying degrees …fever, aches, headache and fatigue, with lingering results on other days. Yet, it is not how I want to color this time frame.......For the goodness of each day remains guaranteed, and the “cloudiness” that Interferon has introduced cannot diminish nor erase the blessings of each day, which are abundant.   Although clouds might be covering the sunshine, the sun continues to shine brilliantly above them.  In the same way, my own sight might miss this truth, yet God, through Whom all things are possible, adjusts my vision.

“This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”    The God that has created each day and furnishes it to us as a gift, equips us with the ability to rejoice and find the goodness in it…..supplying the faith to grasp it and live it.   “Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. “ (2 Cor 4:3-5)  Each day is fresh with God’s promises and compassions……He has said He will not abandon His own, that nothing can separate us from His love, and He has provided a priceless inheritance that will never perish……The goodness of that  saturates each 24 hours and labels it as GOOD, regardless of how I might be feeling.   I might not always have my lipstick on, but I pray that each day I can rejoice in knowing that it is a “love that red” color of eternal promises, renewal……and GOODness.

I am so grateful for the prayers and kindnesses that are such a loving part of each day’s renewal!

A sign

Tears are an indispensable feature of our human waterworks.  Although their arrival might make us uneasy at times, they represent a pipeline to our hearts, and can unexpectedly communicate our deepest emotions. We can immediately summon the memory of tears from the wide range of causes…..joy, sorrow, pain, elation, if not the tears themselves.  

When Chip and I delivered David to Tech for his freshman year, he was healthy, he was happy, and he was ready for college.  Final words faded as the torrent of tears was being held in check; we thought we were ready as well. Yet, our van was a tropical rain forest on the return trip to Memphis. We could not stop crying. Eighteen years of memories flooded our thoughts and the pain of this new separation was acute and raw….but it was much more about the bigger picture and transitions of life itself.

Cancer treatments are notorious tear-causers and all the reading material you are given testify to expecting them.  One resource recommends the therapeutic value, another states that the chemical onslaught of the therapy brings about an imbalance that causes them. Depression, which many interferon patients encounter, has thankfully not been one of my own side effects.  I am vastly thankful to God for this fact.

The God of the universe cried for all of mankind when He became like us.  “Jesus wept,” known as the shortest verse in Scripture, is one of the broadest in its implication.  His tears reveal the depth of His love for each of us….not just the sisters of Lazarus, not just those who were there mourning, not just in the view of the suffering.  Jesus hated the death, pain, the sin alienation of mankind.  Although He knows that He is going to raise Lazarus from the dead, the depth of His own anguish (soon to be mirrored on the Cross,) is apparent.  The rage He felt against the tyranny of death over our human lives, “deeply moved” Him to tears.  He would, in the weeks that followed, destroy forever the power of that very death by His own.   THAT is love!

The great love displayed in those tears is the literal love that has been “poured out” upon Chip and I over these past (almost) 7 weeks.  We have seen it, felt it, been uplifted and sustained by it. Each act of compassion……meals that have nourished, cards that have encouraged, colorful bouquets that have cheered, lovely kindnesses that that have enabled us both to soar above these circumstances mirror that love.

Last Sunday evening, when we returned from the week away, (uplifting times with granddaughters and family!), we were greeted by a sign in our backyard.  The smile it brought was accompanied by tears…and the Interferon had no basis for taking credit.  Rather, it is the vast message of love that has been the essence of these past many weeks.

It is the picture of this poignant verse, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Cor 1: 3-5