Bedtime and grandchildren must be one of the most exceptional combinations. Assisting the footed & fleeced jammie bundle into bed is an entertaining delight…..teeth are brushed, blanket is present, bunny there, passy found. Gathering Charlotte close, we prop against a pink pillow, a special book is read, a favorite song sung, prayers said, one more glass of water, one more hug, one more kiss. A few nights ago, after that sweet process, she asked if I would snuggle with her for a minute more. Not being able to turn down such an offer, I welcomed those little arms clinging tightly to my neck. After a few moments, I began to move away, and she said, “not quite yet.” Though her eyes were heavy, her arms held on. Another couple of minutes and she looked up at me, releasing her embrace, and said, “OK, Nene, I have everything I need.” It was a gentle surrender to sleep.
Surrender is not necessarily a term that is portrayed in a productive light….it depicts yielding, conceding, even admitting defeat. Movies portray grand victories as the Russell Crowes win against the losers, who relinquish all power. The one surrendering is usually typecast as the one overthrown, and overcome. Surrendering, however, can be the opposite of defeat, as it has the ability to bring triumph over circumstances. I am learning how to be unwell, and how to rest. Though not sporting the Sinead O’Conner look quite yet, I am learning that losing your hair is manageable. I am learning that prioritizing a few good hours a day is a must…..even if it means letting go many things that I would LIKE to do. I am learning that planning for tomorrow is a “God willing” proposition. I am learning how to surrender, not to cancer, but to the lessons and to the journey.
As the season of Lent begins, Ash Wednesday signals the 40 days leading up to Easter. This number is connected with many Biblical events, but especially indicates the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert, fasting, praying……and being tempted to flex His Divine muscle. Yet Jesus, reflecting for each of us the strength & ultimate victory of relinquishment, said no to seductive calls of power, self-gratifying freedom, & satisfying hunger. Instead, He forfeited His Almightiness, stating, “The Lord, your God, shall you worship and Him alone shall you serve.” (Dt 10:20) Later, in Mark, we hear His victory cry of sweeping significance, “Going a little further, He fell on the ground and prayed, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me, but not my will, but yours be done."
Many days, my natural tendency is to say, “not quite yet:” don’t I need another blanket, or glass of water, or song sung? Yet, by Grace, through Christ, comes the gift of surrendering …..sometimes minute by minute……and saying to God, “I am yours, may your will be done.” And it echoes a heart saying, “OK, I have everything I need.”
God’s sufficiency is seen so flawlessly in the “blankets of care, songs of compassion, and prayers of healing” from such dear ones. The returning ability to spend time with many of you supplies such encouragement, defining love; I will always be so deeply grateful! We leave tomorrow for Israel. The recess from the treatment is both welcome and to be celebrated with special family members. It is such an excellent way to begin the season of Lent: eyes focused on the One who surrendered so faultlessly for each of us!
